But Actually, English is my SECOND Language

Well, South African English, at any rate! I have this theory that if people over here only knew that I'm already speaking a foreign language when I speak English, they'd cut me more slack! Case in point:

SOUTH AFRICAN ENGLISH
It was time to fetch my children from school and I was keen to wear my plakkies but could only find my tekkies. I rather went to the vleismark first as I was lus for some boerewors but the queues were too long. I made a wrong turn at the robot and ended up at the chemist. I sms'd my kids to tell them I'd be there now-now and Emma said, "Ja, nee, kyk - I'm sommer standing around as it is! Can you fetch my jersey as well?" I was about to tell her "Yebo. We'll make a plan," but I stepped on a shongololo and exclaimed, "Ag, nee, man! Jislaaik!" I hope my day is sorted out before the rugby game at Loftus.

CALIFORNIA ENGLISH
Dude, I had to pick up my kids from school and really wanted to wear my flip flops but they went MIA and I could only find my nasty sneakers. So I went to the butcher first because I was really craving some meat, you know? But the lines were totally long! Then I made a wrong turn at the light and ended up at the drug store. I texted my kids to tell them I'd be there soon and Emma said, "Hello! I'm already bored out of my skull! Can you, like, at least bring my sweater?" I was about to tell her, "Sweet. Sure thing," but I stepped on a stinkin' millipede and exclaimed, "Dang flippin bugs!" Dude, I hope my day improves before the game tonight or I am seriously gonna take a mental health day tomorrow.

If the first thing that pops into your head is "Huh?", then you have a good idea of how I feel almost every day! Ah, the joys of communication...