My Secret Life as a Slush Puppy Operator

My children's school was hosting the district athletics (track and field) competition today. I am one of the parent volunteers, so I helped in the tuck shop (snack shack) all day. I was very excited to be placed in charge of the slush puppy machine.

I knew it was going to be a long day, so I had it all figured out: I was going to pretend I was an undercover journalist writing an exposé on the secret lives of slush puppy machine operators (as long as the scandal didn't involve me!). I figured that would make it fun, right? Only... what I hadn't counted on was that of the eleven schools that were there, ten of them were Afrikaans speaking.

Suddenly I was thrust into the world of an Afrikaans-speaking tuck shop worker. It was nine hours of do-or-die, crash course Afrikaans. I had to learn the slang words for all the sweeties (candy) - wurmpies en telefoontjies (these gummy things), sjokolade eiertjies en tjippies, I had to learn the difference between gegeurde water and gewone water, and I had to know how to make gemengde slush puppies - combining al drie geure. Ag, ek is baie jammer. Die blou is nog nie bevries nie. Wil jy rooi of pers kry? I learned the difference between a bottel Coke and a blikkie Coke, and just when I was starting to feel confident....

An old lady came along. A sweet, cute little old lady, who ever so politely asked for a "Fanta lemoen." And I, who had been lulled into a false sense of slush puppy security, thought to myself, we don't have Fanta lemon, but we have Lemon Twist. That must be what she means....

I handed her the lemon Twist. That's when the red laser beams shot out of her eyes - "Nie SUURlemoen nie... LEMOEN. Is jy dof?" Uh-oh. That's right. Lemoen is "orange" in Afrikaans. Oops. Ek is baie jammer, Tannie. Ek leer nog Afrikaans (I'm so sorry; I'm still learning Afrikaans). She switched to English as the laser beam eyes dwindled to smoldering embers "Keep practicing," she said.

And so, my life as an Afrikaans tuck shop worker has come to an end. My brain feels like a slush puppy, I am covered in taaie gegeurde stroop, and yes, Tannie, soms is ek dof.

But still, it was sort of fun.