My friends in the US comment that I have picked up some South African English ("What's a 'robot'?" "You sound so 'proper'.") My friends here say that my English is funny ("Say 'banana' - come on, please?" "You just can't help pronouncing the letter 'r', can you?" "Why do you say your 't's' like 'd's'?") What it all boils down to is this: Just when I am starting to feel at home, like the neon sign over my head that blinks "Foreigner" has been turned off, I begin to feel like a freak all over again.
I have picked up some South African English, yes. I live here, after all. But when I write to people back in the States, I have to switch my words/spellings all over again. It is a very disjointed feeling. Even with this blog - do I use American English or South African English? It is one of those things - those very small things - that causes me to realise (or do I type 'realize'?) that I have one foot in two worlds. I truly love living and working in South Africa - it is home now - but I come here with a completely different set of experiences. I lack the common bond of having grown up here and understanding life from the same angle. I wonder if I will ever be "one of them", and my heart sinks at the prospect of never really fitting in.
I wonder if Jesus felt that way? Did He have one foot in heaven, so to speak, and one on earth? Fully God and fully man, did He ever feel like He didn't fit in, like He had to change His vocabulary, His accent, try desperately to learn new languages, new cultures, new everything, always at a disadvantage, and that He would never really be "one of them"?
I suppose this should bring comfort - and it does to some extent - but what I really want more than anything today is to fit in. To be known for who I am on the inside, and not for being "The American." To have one conversation without someone commenting on my accent (which I am beginning to loathe, incidentally). To know what people are talking about without feeling so lost. To be able to share the same jokes, love the same foods, understand the complexities of what lies underneath the surface. To belong.
3 comments:
My dearest sister,
I remember, after my first 8 months in England years ago, being endlessly teased about my "transition accent"! Not only was it part English, part American; when it was English, my accent could go 600+ miles from Northumbria to Southampton in one sentence (a feat akin to speaking with a New England accent and a deep Southern accent simultaneously).
The whole situation used to aggravate me on a daily basis, until I decided to just BE.
I had to be WHO I was (a product of my heritage and upbringing, as well as the person I was becoming through my living environment and experiences).
I had to be that unique and beautiful person WHERE I was--not geographically, but the point along my personal journey at which I found myself in that exact moment.
That point in your journey will not be the same tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year. For that matter, it will not be the same place in five minutes' time. You will not be the same person in any given moment in the future, because you will continue to grow and to learn.
Having one foot in two worlds presents unique challenges. It also presents unique opportunities to act as an ambassador for both.
I can't imagine what it was like for Jesus to be in two worlds, of two worlds, but I know what He did: He became the bridge between sinful man and holy God.
To be a bridge is a sacred trust, even if you are human. It is a challenge, because you remain stretched. It is a challenge, because you are perpetually "both", and feel like an outcast (to some extent) on both sides.
It is also a joy, because you have the privilege of bringing people together who would previously not have been able to meet. It is a joy because you are given the grace of heaven to stand in the gap. It is a joy because being between two worlds can allow you to see the humor and the beauty in both of them.
Don't let the waters trouble you, sister. Keep being that bridge, in each and every moment you find yourself. Divine girders keep your span strong, and the grace of He Who went before you will give you the flexibility to grow and to adapt in each moment.
Joy for the journey,
Love,
Rosie
Love the thoughts... especially about Jesus changing His accent. That was a fun and new thought.
Loved the alarm story too... and feeling like a detainee
I read once they say "robot" comes from one of the Arabic countries... and "robot" is something that works "automatically".. ;) and that;s what a traffic light does ;)
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