To My Husband

Do you realise in the past six months we've
taken the car in for repairs
at least fifteen times
listened to a neurologist diagnose our son
lost our jobs and reputation
spent more sleepless nights
worrying, wondering, praying
huddled together
through the cold South African winter?

You have been a pillar of reason, strength,
pointing me to grace
and I wish I had your wisdom, could
encourage you the same
so let me start by saying

I'm sorry about the hamsters;
they *told* me they were both girls
(but at least your silk worm made a cocoon)

and if I pour some fresh granadilla juice
we can sit on the trampoline
under the stars
watch the Southern Cross
until a summer thunderstorm comes
waters the red soil
cleanses the air in preparation
for another day which you and I
will get through

because we made a toast to Hope
here in South Africa

Two-Minutes of Politics and Then I'm Done - I Promise!

In case you were wondering what South Africa thinks of Barack Obama's recent Nobel Peace Prize win, I'm attaching two quotes. And that's all I'm going to say on this topic (except that if anyone asks me, I'm pretending I'm from Canada for the next three months...)

"The Nobel Peace Prize is an odd thing. It has gone to institutions, to those involved in attempting to make peace despite having blood on their hands, to symbols of peace, and to some questionable figures. Most notably it has gone to relentless campaigners for human rights, equality and the ending of violence. What unites the best winners is not simply an inspirational discourse but the sense they stand for something. Actions achieved or a long commitment to an ideal, often through hardship

Which is what makes the awarding of this year's prize to a president who has been in office for a mere nine months an odd departure. It is as if the prize committee had been persuaded to give the award on the future delivery of promises.

The question now is whether having being anointed perhaps too early by the committee, a Nobel prize earned so cheaply and at so little cost will help him in his efforts on the international stage or rather be an albatross around his neck." - Guardian News and Media 2009

"He's not even finished a year in his first term of office of a relatively young president. It's an award that anticipates an even greater contribution towards making our world a safer place for all." - South African Archbishop and Nobel Peace Prize Winner Desmond Tutu

The Downside of Being an Immigrant

After two years of living in South Africa I really thought I was settled (for the most part). I know to say "robot" instead of "traffic light", "jersey" instead of "sweater" and I've stopped saying "Dude, that rocks!" But not only has my English changed; I've also changed the way I hold my fork and knife (which I now use to eat pizza and sandwiches instead of my fingers), the way I dress (no more holey jeans) and I try - I *try*- not to be too loud or obnoxious. But every now and then culture shock still rises up to bite me in the bum (notice I didn't say "butt").

Lately I've been wishing that my nationality didn't precede me when I enter a room. That is to say, sometimes I just want to be me and not me, the American. Does that make any sense? People are constantly pointing out what is different about me or teasing me when I say something funny or look confused because I don't get the joke, but if they only knew how hard I've worked to fit in, to learn the culture, the mannerisms, the language, the ways of being and doing things here....

It is, at times, an isolating feeling to be an immigrant. It's par for the course, I know, but still - I feel lonely today.

The Challenge of Forgiveness

"I have often said, 'I forgive you,' but even as I said these words my heart remained angry or resentful. I still wanted to hear the story that tells me that I was right after all; I still wanted to hear apologies and excuses; I still wanted the satisfaction of receiving some praise in return - if only the praise for being so forgiving!

"But God's forgiveness is unconditional; it comes from a heart that does not demand anything for itself, a heart that is completely empty of self-seeking. It is this divine forgiveness that I have to practice in my daily life. It calls me to keep stepping over all my arguments that say forgiveness is unwise, unhealthy, and impractical. It challenges me to step over all my needs for gratitude and compliments. Finally, it demands of me that I step over that wounded part of my heart that feels hurt and wronged and that wants to stay in control and put a few conditions between me and the one whom I am asked to forgive." - Henri Nouwen

"To bless the people who have oppressed our spirits, emotionally deprived us, or in other ways handicapped us, is the most extraordinary work any of us will ever do." - Elizabeth O'Connor

On Safety Belts, Rental Cars and Legislating Morality

Once again, our car managed to die in spectacular fashion. This time it was the entire steering mechanism that needed replacing. Despite the fact that our car seems to have ambitions to make the Guiness Book of World Records, what I really want to talk about is the rental car we have been using.

This car, apparently, has a weight sensor in the passenger seat. If you don't fasten your safety belt, an alarm begins to beep. If you *still* don't fasten your safety belt, the beeping accelerates, not unlike to a bomb about to explode. I was actually frightened into buckling up!

I am usually conscientious about wearing a safety belt, but on occasion, I forget or feel lazy (no lectures, please, Mom!) This rental car made me feel like some sort of safety derelict that needed to be locked up.

On the other hand, the curious side of me wanted to know what would happen if I let the beeping reach a frenetic pace - would the seat issue an electric shock? Would the engine shut down? Would I be ejected through the roof?

And the philosophical side of me wonders - if you have to enact laws to get people to do the right thing - if you have to legislate morality - what does that say about mankind? I don't mean to go off on a tangent, but the idea that man is basically good just doesn't wash with me.

Philosophical Friday

"To poison a nation, poison its stories. A demoralised nation tells demoralised stories to itself. Beware of the storytellers who are not fully conscious of the importance of their gifts, and who are irresponsible in the application of their art." - Ben Okri, Nigerian author

What do you think? Do authors, songwriters - all of us, really - have an obligation to use our gifts responsibly? And what does that mean, in practical terms?

All I know is that the people who inspired me weren't the ones who pointed out everything that was wrong with me but rather those who saw my potential and nurtured that into flame.

A Man Walks Down the Street, it's a Street in a Strange World...

I think one of my all-time favourite albums is Paul Simon's Graceland. I first listened to it at my friend's house years ago. Over the years I've never gotten tired of it. It contains so many different styles of music - both American and South African (I had no idea I would end up in South Africa one day).

I was driving down Zambesi Road the other day, listening to my favourite song on that album, "You Can Call Me Al" when it dawned on me: I'm actually IN South Africa listening to Paul Simon's Graceland album. I smiled. I feel so blessed.

(By the way, that friend who introduced me to this album? He is my amazing husband of 14 years).